Dear Japan,
Japan, you are pretty cool and all, but there are some areas in which there is room for improvement.
For one, get your shit together and insulate your buildings! You shouldn't need to huddle around a kotatsu to stay warm in winter! And get rid of the open drainage ditches that run alongside the road just inches from the shoulder – I see a car with its tires stuck in them every other week. This is simple shit! Get your act together already.
And let me teach you a word, “abolish.” Slavery made people unhappy so it was abolished. I suggest you do the same with kanji. It’s such an unnecessary waste of time - abolish the shit out of it!
Lastly, would it kill you to be a little more personable and communicative? Maybe if you talked with your friends and colleagues a little more frankly and freely there wouldn’t be so many neurotic, high strung little people walking the streets, or nervously occupying desks and cubicles creating anxiety and tension in the office.
I’ll give you twenty-five years to get rid of kanji but I expect you to start insulating your buildings immediately.
Affectionately hamburgers,
Pete
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