The Birth of Japan

So it was Izanagi and and his younger sister, Izanami, who gave birth to the islands of Japan.  To help them with this little chore, they were given the Heavenly Jeweled Spear, named Ame no Nuboko.  They went to the bridge between heaven and earth and churned the sea with said awesome spear.  Drops of salty water formed the island, Onogoro, and they made their home on the island.  Eventually, their brotherly and sisterly love escalated into a more natural, visceral love and they wanted to make whoopie.  They constructed a giant pillar called, Amenomihashira, for some reason and built a love hotel around it.

     Izanagi and Izanami, in some weird sense of foreplay, circled the pillar in opposite directions, deciding that when they met on the other side they would consummate their incestuous love.  From this encounter they birthed two children, Hiruko ("leech child") and Awashima ("pale island").  As you can perhaps guess from their names, the children were a bit of a disappointment.  Izanagi and Izanami put them into a boat and sent them to sea.

     They called the gods on their keitei (accumulating charges outside of Softbank's white plan) and asked them what they had done to deserve such inferior offspring.  “Is it because we’re brother and sister?” asked Izanagi.  “Was it the crack I smoked during the pregnancy?” asked Izanami.

     “No, it wasn’t the crack.” they answered.  “It wasn't even the incest - though they could have been contributing factors.  No, we’re pretty sure the main reason is that when you met on the opposite side of the pillar, it was because Izanami spoke first, and the birth defects occurred because a woman should never speak prior to a man.”

     Izanagi and Izanami went around the pillar again, and this time Izanagi spoke first (“Fancy meeting you here.”) and their union was successful.  They bore eight offspring, who later became the eight great islands of Japan.

     Note that, Hokkaidou, Chishima, and Okinawa, not being a part of Japan in ancient times, were not among Izanagi and Izanami's offspring and that their parentage remains a mystery.  If you have any knowledge concerning the whereabouts of one or more of their parents, please notify a member of the National Diet.  Thousands of years in child support come to quite a hefty sum.